Forever The Outcast

Yesterday I was searching for a file on my computer, it was an old file and I couldn't remember the name of it, so it took a lot of searching for. I did find it alongside an old chat log someone had sent me. I had forgotten about it, so opened it and read what was inside. It was basically a group of people, most of which I had never met in my life, and others I had only met once very briefly. They were slagging me off something terrible. They were accusing me of doing something terrible to some “vulnerable” male they knew and calling me a psychopath, insane and saying I don't care about people. They also implied I think I am a Goddess and so much better than everyone else.

This isn't the first time a group of people or even an individual has just turned on me like this, and I am very sure it won't be the last time. It would be very easy for me to get depressed about this and start to think maybe there is something wrong with me, it can't be everyone else, can it!

But then I analyse what it is they are saying about me and realise that probably most INTJ females have been through this kind of thing, time and time again.

I seem to have spent my life trying to explain to people that I didn't mean something the way they assumed I did when I say something that they take completely the wrong way. It is like I am talking a different language to these people, they assume I am angry and being nasty when in reality I am very calm and just giving facts or details the way I see them. For me dealing with other people has been a minefield all my life. I never know when one of them is going to explode into a rage and start accusing me of being arrogant or aggressive when I simply wasn't being like that at all.

They often accuse me of thinking I am better than them or using fancy words. Or the other end of the spectrum when they see a mistake I make because of my dyslexia, where I can spell correctly but swap out a word completely (e.g.: quite, quiet), and use this as a way to belittle me and try to make out that I am really dumb. I can't win on that score. I know my limitations and when someone points out mistakes I make I am grateful to them for pointing it out so I can correct it.

However, if I am the one to point something out to someone in a calm way just so they know about it, they think I am being nasty and arrogant. No, I would just rather someone tell me, so I think they would rather know too.

In a discussion where I disagree about something with someone, on a topic I know a lot about, I do my best to show the other person why I believe what I do, and why I won't accept their view about it. To me this doesn't mean we have to argue about it or get upset, we can agree that it is something we will never see eye to eye on, but it is no reason to hate each other or get angry. But again so many have turned on me for daring to have an opinion different to theirs. This has happened so often that now most of the time I just refuse to discuss it any further because I know it will end in them getting upset.

So maybe at the heart of my problems is my independence of thought and my unwillingness to conform to their way of doing things, just so I can fit in with the crowd. I don't understand why a group of people cannot be a group of individuals with opinions and ideas of their own. I don't understand why we have to think and act like everyone else to be accepted or be deemed acceptable.

People are in general scared of anything or anyone different I guess, and whereas I love to meet interesting, unique and unusual people, they see them as a threat somehow. A threat to the controlled little groupthink they have going? After all, they don't want their ideas questioned or for anything to change, people are so scared of change, they will do anything to avoid it.

So no, there is nothing wrong with me. I am just being me and yes I am a Goddess, every woman who allows herself to be is.

Yes I do care very deeply for people who are close to me, and no there aren't that many, but they are genuine and not friends with me because of some ego feeding narcissism groupthink. They are individuals too.

I wrote this article because I am sure other INTJ females get this kind of reaction to them too, since getting to know more INTJ females in the group it makes me realise there is nothing wrong with me after all, and there is nothing wrong with you either.

The INTJ Female

She is talented, smart, yet introverted so enjoys hiding away
Her thoughts are far beyond the influence of mass media sway
She has a hatred of injustices and likes to play fair
But most are intimidated by her intense and scary stare
Although she doesn't cope very well in a crowd
What wonders go on inside her mind are bright and very loud
Often it can appear she is calm and has the patience of a saint
Just don't interrupt her unannounced our yours could be a sticky fate
All in all she isn't too bad and could be your best friend
She is loyal, trustworthy and will stick by you until the very end

INTJ Women With Double Standards?

Let's talk a little bit about some so called rational INTJ women and their double standards.

Many of you in the INTJ Females group on Facebook will know that every now and then someone in there has an emotional outburst, usually for no other reason than someone having a different opinion to them.

A while ago someone was going on about being diagnosed with autism, to which I said they weren't autistic. I don't agree that normal people who are a little socially awkward should be labelled autistic, especially when this is a term used to describe people who are retarded. When the word retard became seen as an insult, a new word was needed, this has already happened several times over when moron, idiot and various others became insults and therefore fell out of use and were replaced. And this is going to keep happening. Unless we stop this ridiculous behaviour all words will be classed as hate speech and banned, and then all we will be able to do is grunt, and even then there will be those offended by it.

I never once said that anyone in the group is retarded, I told them that they are NOT retarded, they are not autistic and it is ridiculous to label them as such. But maybe they think they can use their newly earned label as an excuse for being a complete bitch to everyone they come across?

So anyway, the women who were offended, when I said they are not autistic, said I had called them a retard, never did, decided they were going to report me and the group for hate speech and try to get it shut down. They talked about this in my own group right in front of me and yet got all angry and upset when I removed them! It didn't stop them spreading their hate though, oh no, they then went into another group and started to tell everyone that I am "insane" and "crazy" they said I started to attack group members. Erm no, I removed those attacking me, BIG DIFFERENCE!

And the most unbelievable thing about this whole episode is that those nasty women think it is perfectly fine for them to call me names using words used to describe someone with a mental illness. Double standards much?

I wanted to post this blog to show just how terrible people can be when they are offended by something they have absolutely no right to be offended about.

So what if I don't think people who aren't retarded should be labelled autistic? That is my opinion and you telling me I am crazy and insane for thinking that isn't going to make me change my mind.

I guess those special snowflakes who love their labels really do want special treatment. They can call someone names and spread nasty rumours about them and try to ruin them. But no one else can say fuck all.

Well fuck that, you won't ever shut me up!

So why did these women want to start a hate campaign against me?

I have dealt with these kinds of attacks all my life, I write on my own blog about how I am used as a scapegoat so many times.

It is simple, they can't stand to see someone who is free and happy when their life is a pit of fear and disappear. They want to ruin anyone who dares to speak their mind because they are too scared to. They are scared to work on themselves and to look within to their own dark side, but they will do all they can to punish those who are strong enough to.

I am not angry about what they are trying to do to me, I pity them.

3 Reasons Why People Don't Like You.

If you have ever asked yourself, "Why don't people like me?" then let me help you to understand some of the reasons that could be causing you problems.

I also offer some solutions which, if you are disturbed by your rejection, you might want to consider implementing.

1. You're more successful than them.

I am not talking being mega-rich because most people look up to and admire those people, I am talking about you being just a bit more successful than someone.

Why will this cause people to not like you?

It makes the other person feel inferior and not good enough, so they will choose to like and hang around with others who are in a similar economic situation as them.

This also goes for academia. If you have a higher level of academic qualifications than them, don't expect them to like you, having you around will just make them feel like a failure.

How to overcome this.

If you want these people to like you, you must be humble and play down your achievements.

2. You're a know it all.

As INTJs we spend a LOT of time researching and gaining new knowledge. We even manage to change our beliefs when we find evidence contrary to what we first thought could be true.

However, once we have done all the research and made a decision, we know clearly within our own mind that we have now found the truth of that matter and we move on to the next topic.

If someone later comes along and talks about a subject we have full knowledge of and have therefore come to a conclusion about it, we are not afraid to tell someone they are wrong about it and provide all the evidence as such. To which the other person, who has strong views to the contrary, does one of two things, they fight, and inevitably lose and end up hating you for it, or they take flight, as they don't want to accept the truth.

How to overcome this.

If you want people to like you, people who hold different views from your own, stop feeling the need to convince them they are wrong. It doesn't really matter what someone else believes anyway.

3. You don't bond with them.

I know, I know, small talk sucks and seems so pointless and irritating. However, talking about the weather and other random useless chit-chat is what starts the bonding process between two people.

Complaining about the rain or it being too hot, and you both agreeing and sympathising with each other is what starts two strangers bonding. If you skip this part and jump straight into something technical on first meeting someone they will see you as cold and unapproachable. I get that you are just being efficient when you go to a work colleague and ask them for xyz, rather than asking how they are and complaining about the weather before getting to the point, but other more emotion-based beings will just think you are an arrogant jerk.

You are probably the hardest worker in the company, but even your boss hates you. This is why - you don't take time to bond with people.

How to overcome this.

When you need something from someone at work, or anywhere really, remember to do a little bit of general small talk first, make the other person feel at ease and happy to be dealing with you.

Something to remember.

INTJs are intimidating to mere mortals, INTJ females are doubly so! If you remember that people are often scared of you and feel inferior to you, you will remember to be a little bit kinder to them.

20 Reasons Why INTJ Females Find It Hard To Get Along With Other Women.

1. We aren't really interested in your gossip, we just switch off when you start.
2. We don't really care what is in fashion, we just want to wear what we want to wear. Pointing out that our clothes are "sooo last season" means nothing to us.
3. We did notice you had your hair done, it looks terrible, well you did ask.
4. Yes, you do look terrible in that outfit, try something black.
5. I made a sarcastic joke and you are crying again!
6. Quit that helpless act when men are around please!
7. You just told me your problems and yet don't like my solutions, then why come to me with your problems?
8. Yes I do know everything there is to know about the said subject, and no that doesn't mean I think I am better than you, but you know I probably am.
9. Yes, I have a lot of male friends and I get on well with them, maybe because I am not a whinger like you.
10. No, I won't yield to group pressure, I will always do what I feel is right, peer pressure doesn't work on me.
11. I have no desire to try to fit in, I know I never will.
12. You can't shame me or manipulate me into complying with you.
13. No, I don't want to go shopping.
14. No, I don't want to watch (insert tacky chick flick title) can we watch some science fiction or something post-apocalyptic instead?
15. Yes, I am wearing the same clothes again, so what!
16. No, I don't want to have a pamper session, get that face mask gunk away from me.
17. No, you can't do my make-up and hair for me.
18. No, I don't want to go and get my nails done as a treat!
19. I would let you come over today to tell me all about your latest crush, but I have books to read.
20. I never mean to upset you with my honesty, I was trying to be helpful.

Final note, this is just a bit of fun, don't take it too seriously :)

30 INTJ Rules

1.Sometimes we just don't want to talk. Don't take it personally.
2.We notice and mentally record everything, you cannot trick us into thinking we said or did something we didn't.
3.Yes our favourite clothes are all the same, they fit correctly, are comfortable and practical.
4.You acting helpless is not cute.
5.Get to the point and quickly.
6.Don't talk to us while we're doing something. We will either ignore you, because we don't hear you, or we'll mess up what we're doing because you've distracted us.
Exception to Rule 6. Interrupt us if something is on fire.
7.We won't get dressed up to impress anyone, if we get dressed up it is because we want to.
8.We need time alone.
9.We need to vegetate, alone.
10.We will always give you an honest answer, you have been warned.
11.If you ask a question you don't really want an answer to, expect an answer you didn't want to hear.
12.Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!
13.No, we don't know what day it is. We never will.
14.When it is your birthday tell us, we won't remember unless you do.
15.Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
16.Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. But do ask for help solving it or we will think you are just telling us as part of your irritating small talk and will blank out what you are saying.
17.Don't talk during a film unless you want us to secretly plot your demise. 
18.Don't sit anywhere near us when you are slurping on a drink or eating food noisily.
19.Never ever talk with your mouth full in front of us!
20.If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing is wrong.
21.If we ask what's wrong and you start to complain about all your ailments that we can do nothing about, we will make a mental note to never ask you again.
22.When we say don't bother us in a morning before our first cup of tea or coffee, we mean it! Don't act all surprised when we bite your head off for failing to comply with this rule.
23.Do not tell us what we are thinking, we know what we are thinking and it is nothing at all to do with anything you could imagine.
24.Never make a decision for us, it will be the wrong one.
25.When you dramatise something to make it sound worse or better than it was, we know you are doing it, stop it!
26.Rather than repeatedly talk to you like a child, we will often just stay silent and let you make mistakes that you can learn from.
27.We would rather only have one very good friend than a 100 acquaintances.
28.Sometimes we think we are crazy for seeing things so differently to everyone else, but we soon realise it is everyone else, not us.
29.Our sarcastic humour is not meant to hurt your feelings, we just don't know how to make you realise how daft you are being without trying to make a joke out of it.
30.We hate rules, but expect you to follow ours if you want to be around us.